GRANDPA CHUCK

Since I talked to you last some good things have happened in my life.

The court of appeals sent my 11.07 back to the convicting courts to be reviewed on the claims of ineffective assistance and other things they can find wrong.

The court appointed me an attorney out of Borger to represent me in the appeals process so that's good I hope!

I'd just like to thank you for all your prayers over the past 3 years ma'am.  Every bit of effort you have put forth is certainly greatly appreciated ma'am.

I'm not a grandpa yet.  He's still in the oven but he's getting pretty close to being done!  He is supposed to be ready to come out sometime in January so it won't be long now.  I've got to get me out of trouble so I can hold him when they come to visit.  That will make my day.

I still remember carrying my oldest boy out of the delivery room and into the nursery as if

it was just yesterday.

I found out then what my dad was talking about when he told me how he felt when I was born and he carried me into the nursery.

He said he stood there at the nursery window and told me all the plans he had for us.  He used to tear up when he would tell the story and now I'm the one with tears both when I think of his story and mine.

There's one thing I can say for sure, the man loved me and still does.

Psalms 127:3-4 "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!"

Deuteronomy 30:6"The LORD your God will change your heart and the hearts of all your descendants, so that you will love him with all your heart and soul and so you may live!"

DRY LAND

How do you continue to have mercy and a heart of thanksgiving when you have nothing to be thankful about and your well is dry?

It's been a sad season in my little town.

We just learned over the weekend that a young man whose grandparents live here was hit and killed by a drunk driver in his college town.  Their Thanksgiving may be a little hard to celebrate.

My heart is very sad....and I admit I have had to try a little bit harder lately to have a heart filled with joy.

But it occurred to me that we don't always get to have a heart filled with joy because that is not how life works.  We can only hope and try to feel that joy as much as possible.

So has it been evidenced in the words I have to say on this blog and even in my letters to Chuckwa. It seems like there is only so much a person can do or say or write...like eating a cracker...kind of dry.

I have been talking a lot lately with my little brother who seems to also be going through a down time and as I talk to him I think maybe I should take my own big sister advice and fill the well.

There is only one way to do that...but it is important to remember that we just don't always get to feel happy and that's ok.

As we approach Thanksgiving, I looked back at one of my early letters to Chuckwa.

This is an excerpt from November 2013....

I started the day off in kind of a sad state 'cause I called home and talked to my youngest boy.  He was sad and missing me so I got sad, then I got off the phone and went to writing and all I could think of was sad thoughts and cried a little so I took a break from writing.  Then I decided to get up and go talk to a man who just recently moved in here who was a Christian man.  He had his bible sittin' on table with the intention of talking to me and so we talked and then I thought of you and told him the story about you and the letter you wrote me one time that directed me to Hebrews 12.  Your letter became the topic of our discussion.  The cool thing is that he had that chapter in mind for me before  we seen your letter.  We read for 5 hours and I walked away feeling a whole lot better and now I'm sitting here and reading that letter and realizing what a big difference it made in my life.  I will be forever grateful for the gift I received the day I received my first letter from you.

sing anyway

Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

MURDER

I have lived in this quiet little community my entire life

and never in one million years

would I have ever believed

MURDER

would be the headlines for our little news sites

This young man went off the deep end and killed his mother and her boyfriend

he had a life, a wife and three little boys

He did the deed in Booker, Texas, up the road some miles, but drove through our little town and stole a vehicle, causing a horrible crash during a chase, and leaving a dead body behind at the home of an innocent family.  He left the other dead body on the side of the road.

BIG

BIG

news day...

not the kind I like

and as the communities and families involved slowly begin to grasp reality

this young man is found guilty yesterday, in a murder for hire plot

*he will serve the rest of his life in prison*

Mike was a little boy growing up in Spearman and friends with both my younger brothers.

They rode bikes, swam at the local pool, popped firecrackers and studied math and spelling.

He went on to become a successful doctor and was convicted of hiring a killer to murder a Lubbock doctor who began dating his girlfriend.

It is incredible to me that such things could happen.

It breaks my heart for all of those involved and yes I admit

I feel great sympathy even for those that committed the crime.

What?Went?Wrong?

this is my opinion and it's not really an opinion because if you believe in the bible...

such a thing that happened to these men and Chuckwa...

could happen to you or me

 Job 1:7

The LORD said to Satan, "Where have you come from?" Satan answered the LORD, "From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it."

REMEMBER THE ALAMO

Hello Mam, how are you doing?  I hope all is well for you and yours.  Not a lot going on here.

Thank you for your letter with the information on Custer.  That was some pretty interesting stuff.   I also want to thank you for the post card from the Alamo.  I have never seen it like that.

There are lots of people here in the prison from San Antonio and Houston.  There are a lot of city boys in these places.

I had my mom call the district clerk's office in Perryton about a week ago to find out about my case and the lady just found it that day and said it had fallen through the cracks!  So it has been sitting there for over a year unseen.  The lady said she would get it in motion so maybe something good will come out of that?

I'm not  holding my breath, but I am hopeful.

I just wanted you to know that I am still chuggin' along.  Keep me in your prayers please and I will do the same for you and yours.

God Bless

Luke 10:25-37--I am not forgotten

And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.” But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 

DREAMS

I have wondered about dreams for years but haven't been able to come to any conclusions.

Are they angels?  Does our spirit live on?  Are they my guardian angels?

I can tell you this if it wasn't for me having the dreams and experiencing it I wouldn't believe it.

That's what changed my outlook on God and the angels and all that stuff.  The Bible teaches that the dead are conscious of nothing at all, but it does say that there are angels.

My grandparents are both passed on and so is Mr. Miller, but the people who were in my dreams were them with the exact same voices.  It sure raises a lot of questions in my mind.

I dreamed last night that I was at the lady's pond where I fished a lot growing up.  She was talking to me in the dream.  I don't remember what she was telling me though.

I sure wish I could have woke up there instead of in this place, but here is where I live.

I'll have to leave the fishing up to the kids for a while.

Matthew 4:11

Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him. 

BEES IN TREES

I've had my share of experiences with bees.  I worked for this elderly man on my days off when I was in the oilfield.  He sold firewood.  I cut and split wood.

He got a call from a lady who lived in Gainsville who had a tree with some dead limbs she wanted cut out of the top of one of her trees.  I climbed all the way to the top and attached my saw to a rope and then cut the limbs off.

After I got the limbs to the ground I started cutting them into sticks of firewood.  One I cut didn't look like the others, the center was rotten.  It didn't take me long to figure out just what I was seeing.

The next cut I made brought the bees!  This darn limb was full of honey bees and their nest.  Luckily I didn't get stung and just kept on cuttin'.  Those things were swarming all around me too.  I guess the smoke from the saw kept them from stinging me.

I got a real big surprise last night that I never woulda ever expected.  Sheryl's oldest boy wrote me a J-pay letter.  I haven't seen or heard from him in 6 or so years.  He just wrote me out of the blue. I thought that was pretty neat.  I wrote him a letter back.

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24

BEARDS

In the latest letter from Chuckwa,

he wrote about beards

I have never in the world given a second thought about such a thing

have you?

I sure wish I had some good news to relay.  I got a letter from my mom and one from Amy.  I am currently behind in my letter writing.

I am growing a beard but I've about decided that I'm not a beard person.  I like a mustache but no beard.  The Supreme Court ruled that we can now grow a beard up to 1/2" in length for religious reasons so lots of people are walking around here with beards.

I've got an I-60 siting here addressed to the chaplin to let him know he can take me off the list.  I'd rather be clean shaven.  There are a lot of other things in the world I'd much rather have than a beard or the right to grow one.

N E Wayz...that's the highlight of my life right now

SUPREME COURT RULING

TEXAS PRISONS ALLOW BEARDS

Leviticus 19:27  "They shall not make any bald place on their heads, nor shall they shave the edges of their beards nor make any cuttings in their flesh" 

EVERY SINGLE DAY

There is no such thing as a typical day in prison

Things differ drastically from prison-to-prison, person-to-person, and from day-to-day. There’s a popular saying among inmates about a prison’s program. The only thing consistent about prison is change.

For instance, it can be a beautiful day outside, guys may be working out, playing sports, cards, or just enjoying the fresh air; and in the blink of an eye you might be in the middle of a full scale riot. Paying attention is a MUST HAVE  in prison; it can literally mean the difference between life and death.

5:30-6:30 AM: Breakfast, a.k.a. ‘chow time’, and the start of most guys’ day. The breakfast isn’t good

6:30-7:15 AM: Start day with a morning prayer and devotional reading

7:15-8:00 AM: Breakfast in cell and prepare for work

8:00 AM-2:00 PM:  Work. I work in the prison’s kitchen at 32 cents an hour

2:00-3:00 PM: Shower grab a bite to eat and prepare for either a self-help group or college class

3:00-5:00 PM: Self-help group or college class

5:00-6:00 PM: Dinner. It tends to be better than the breakfast

6:00-8:00 PM: Another self-help group or college class

8:00-9:00 PM: Socialize with friends or use the prison phone to talk to loved ones

9:00 PM: All inmates are locked in their cells until breakfast.

9:00-11:00 PM: Watch T.V., listen to music or write a letter, and fix something to eat

11 PM-12:30 AM: Homework or letter writing

12:30-6:30 AM: Sleep

There is a perception in society that inmates spend all day doing nothing. As you can see that is not always true. There are more guys spending their time doing something productive than those who are not

How one spends his time---be it in prison or out---is what makes the difference between success and failure. Keep busy!

A day in the life of Chuckwa is almost the same 

every single day

"Hello Mrs. G.  How are ya?  Not a whole heck of a lot going on round here...just another day on the farm"....begins every single letter...

I know and understand what you're thinking...

He committed a crime and he deserves to be in jail.

No heat and air

No internet or computers

Limited TV

I agree, but still I find it hard not to feel a sadness for a lives wasted

"You spoke of being free and listed some circumstances that could be worse"

Chuckwa will come up for parole in 2030...I will be 73

Here's an interesting concept that I ponder over and over....

Chuckwa and I are so similar

1.  We both have committed crimes against God and government (as we all have)

2.  We both regret those crimes and seek forgiveness

3.  He lives in a compound that has a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and yard

4.  I do too...mine is gated as is his

here's the difference...he is unable to leave

and I would be happy if I never had to

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

CHUCKWA LIVES HERE

The James V. Allred Unit is a prison for males located on Farm to Market Road 369 in Wichita Falls, Texas, United States, 4 miles (6.4 km) northwest of downtown Wichita Falls. The prison is in proximity to Iowa Park.  

The prison, with about 320 acres (130 ha) of land, is a part of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice Region V.

It opened in the summer of 1995 and is one of the largest maximum security units in Texas housing approximately 3600 offenders. It consists of four departments, General Population, Administrative segregation and one of the first "Expansion cell blocks" (High Security) to be built housing some level ones Seg overflow and close custody offenders. It also contains one of Texas's "Safe Keeping Units", which are designed to house prisoners that would be in danger from other inmates.

James V. Allred (March 29, 1899 – September 24, 1959) was a United States politician who served as the 33rd Governor of Texas during the New Deal era. He was thereafter a United States federal judge. He is remembered for his unwavering support of U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

 roses in a hedge of thorns

a hedge of thorns....

with roses?

yes...it is possible!

He has sent me to provide for all those who grieve in Zion, to give them crowns instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of tears of grief, and clothes of praise instead of a spirit of weakness. They will be called Oaks of Righteousness, the Plantings of the Lord, so that he might display his glory.

Isaiah 61:3

*.....so.....*

that He might display HIS glory

THAT FATEFUL DAY

When I first began this blog, my plan was to take the reader through the details of this case.

In my visit with Sheriff, I asked him if he would allow me to use the crime scene photos...he didn't immediately say no, but instead that he would consider it since the case was closed.

He said, "they aren't pretty."

In some of the writings of the blog, I have had emails from family members about things that I haven't gotten exactly right (I am trying very hard to do that) and things that were written, that while there were no complaints, I could tell they were hurtful.  True, but hurtful.  I don't want to hurt. There has been enough of that.

So...as I have come to this day, I have changed my mind about the crime scene photos on that fateful day.  You and I have all watched enough tru tv to know what a gory crime scene looks like.

THAT FATEFUL DAY

I was very depressed at this time due to all the heck I had been going through and then to top it all off Mr. Miller was an alcoholic who liked to scream, hollar and cuss.  Three things I can't stand.

I wiped his butt, cooked his meals, cleaned his home, mowed his grass, took care of his dogs, washed his clothes, and anything else he needed and all I got for my services was disrespect.

All I wanted to do was to go back home to my kids and my family but Mary Jane (bail bondsman and Miller's aunt) wouldn't allow me to go home.  She told me to come up with $500 and I could go home.

My friend Jack told me "I don't know how you let that man talk to you like that.  Him and Mike didn't get a long.

One day my mom called and and wanted to talk to me and when I got back from work he told me "that bitch called and wanted to talk to you."  I thought he was talking about my girl friend--that's when he said "I was talking about your mom."

I cooked him something to eat and forgot to put a spice he wanted on the food and he threw the plate of food on me and then he said "screw you, why don't you just take that shotgun and go blow your brains out."

The next day Jack took me to Lipscomb County Courthouse for my arraignment (DWI) then we went to Beaver for Jack to get some rum and Mike some beer.  And I decided to grab me a bottle too.  I drank some that night and the next day.  Jack didn't come get me for work the next day, so I started drinking with Mike.

I remember sitting in his room talking to him about how he wanted his steaks cooked that day and then later on I woke up on the couch and found Mike in his bed, shot in the neck with a shotgun.

Jack told the police that he came over that morning to bring me peppers and tomatoes to use with the steaks and he heard Mike tell me to blow my head off.  I don't know for sure what happened.

....and then later.....

only God knows....maybe Mike wanted to die due to the physical state he was in and had been for the past 10 years. Maybe he used me to accomplish his mission.

Here are the things I wonder....

1.   Would Mike still be alive today or was is health in such decline he would have died on his own?
2.   If Chuckwa was getting the gun to kill himself and tripped and the gun went off? (the wound was in the back of the neck)
3.  If a person who accidentally kills someone should spend their life in prison or be given a chance after they have paid time for the crime?
4.  If Chuckwa would have opted for a jury trial...where would he be today?

what....what do you wonder?

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  Psalm 139:16

THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY

Mitchell Gassaway & Jones LLP: James M. Mosley

**An effort was made to contact Mr. Mosley for an interview.  No contact has been made to date.

"I got railroaded due to the fact of not having any money for an attorney.  My attorney didn't try to help me at all.  He knew the deck was stacked against me.  NE WAYZ I wasn't an easy win 'cause of the emotional state I was in at the time.  I was under a great deal of duress.  I just wanted it to all be over with so I took the easiest way out.  I think the truth would never be heard nor was it ever searched for.

They questioned me on the day of the event 'till I finally got tired of messing with them and told them OK,  I shot the guy because he called my mom a bitch can I go lay down now?

I kept telling them I didn't know what happened and they kept telling me you'll feel better if you just tell us .  I threw up in the trash can and the kept questioning me.

They shouldn't have been questioning me in the state I was in and my attorney should have gotten all that scratched.  But his wife was pregnant during all this so he didn't have time for my case as he was busy tending to her.  She had her baby right around the time I was due to go to trial.  He told me I better take the 40 years or would end up with life and 20 years stacked on.

I've thought a lot about tryin' to change my plea agreement...if nothing changes, I will come up for parole the 1st time in 2030.  

I am not a murderer or a liar or a thief and I am truly remorseful."

Lamentations 1:20

"See, O LORD, for I am in distress; My spirit is greatly troubled; My heart is overturned within me, For I have been very rebellious. In the street the sword slays; In the house it is like death.

THE PROSECUTOR

Ochiltree County Attorney David T. Scott

DAVID SCOTT OBITUARY

COMMENTS ON NEWS STORY ABOUT THE MURDER

"I know quite a few people who are well known that weren't too happy with the outcome of my case.  So to answer your question, yes, David Scott used me and my case and my vulnerability to his advantage.  There are several different charges that could have and should have been considered but were not.  1st Degree Murder, which is what I was charged with, entails a premeditated act.  I never planned to kill this man, I was taking care of him."



In rural communities, it is considered a

Coup de grâce

for the victim, the victim's family, the county in which a lengthy and expensive trial will take place and yes...perhaps even the one who commits the crime,

to never in fact...go to trial.

Chuckwa has said over and over how he wished he'd never taken the plea agreement and felt coerced into doing so.

During the re-election of David Scott, who had been the County Attorney for many many years, a new candidate arrived on the scene.  The race took an ugly turn and became quite competitive.  The voters decided...the new man...Barrett Dye would become the new attorney for Ochiltree County.  

A few short months later...Scott would be dead at the age of 53.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

THE SHERIFF

(Quote from Amarillo Globe News Story October 2010 by Ali Allison concerning the arrest of Chuckwa)

"We are still young in the investigation, I don't think it was premeditated," says Bouchard.

In a discussion with Sheriff Bouchard, he stated that in the time that Chuckwa was in his custody, he was a model inmate who was a hard worker and caused no issues.  Bouchard said that Chuckwa enjoyed working from sun-up until sun-down in the inmate garden plot located at the Ochiltree County Jail.  Bouchard also stated that Mr. Miller was not a very nice person to Chuckwa, who was only trying to help him.

From Amarillo Globe News April 2007

Terry Bouchard, 46, was sworn in as sheriff on Tuesday at the Ochiltree County Commissioners Court meeting in Perryton.

Bouchard said he has been with the sheriff's office for about 16 years. He was with the Perryton Police Department before that, starting in 1985.

Bouchard, along with two other applicants from the sheriff's office, applied to finish out almost two years of Hataway's remaining term. Bouchard said he would run for election once he completed Hataway's partial term.

Hataway, 65, is retiring because of health issues and plans on moving home to Sunray.
"I like participating in the community. This is my home," Bouchard said Thursday. "I felt it was a good career choice for me and my family."

Bouchard is originally from Tucumcari, N.M. He graduated from New Mexico State University in 1984 with a bachelor's degree in criminal justice.

Bouchard's love for police work began in college when he helped with the arrest of a drunken driver.
"I heard an accident by my apartment. I wandered over there to see what was going on," he said. "The police officer was having difficulty arresting the suspect. I jumped in and assisted him. I thought that was pretty neat."

Despite his long career in law enforcement, Bouchard said he is following in the footsteps of a great sheriff.

"I've got some very big shoes to fill. Joe Hataway was an excellent sheriff and a great man who is very well respected," Bouchard said.

"I'm looking forward to serving the (residents) of Ochiltree County for many years. I'm very fortunate to have stepped into a department with very, very good people working for me."
Bouchard will officially take up the position today and receive a salary of $46,200.


Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory. – Proverbs 11:14

THE VICTIM--MIKE MILLER

I had a dream the night before that I was at the old fishing pond where I fished a lot growing up.  My grandma was talking to me in the dream.  I don't remember what she was telling me though.  I sure wish I could have woke up there instead of this place, but here is where I be.   I'll have to leave fishing up to the kids for awhile.

.....the last dream I had like this was a dream about Mr. Miller.  In my dream he was standing next to a kitchen table with a blue t-shirt, blue jeans and a cap and drinking a cup of coffee.  He was looking at a calendar.  If that's the case then he's better off than he was.  I believe that was a message to me that let me know he's in a better place... in better shape.  I sure do hope so.

PERRYTON - Mike Miller, 45, died Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2010.

Services will be at 10:30 a.m. Monday in Key Heights Baptist Church with Doug Rawlins and the Rev. Terry Williams officiating. Burial will be in Ochiltree Cemetery by Boxwell Brothers Funeral Home of Perryton.

Mr. Miller was born Aug. 10, 1965, in Perryton to William E. and Belmere Miller. He graduated in 1984 from Perryton High School and was a farmer.

Survivors include two daughters, Brandi Miller and Hayle Miller, both of Perryton; a son, Justin Miller of Perryton; a sister, Deanna Miller of Corsicana; and four grandchildren.

The family suggests memorials be to Multiple Sclerosis Society, Panhandle Chapter, 6222 Canyon Drive, Amarillo, TX 79109.

Amarillo Globe-News, Oct. 30, 2010

Miller's Home

Ali Allison
NewsChannel 10

The Ochiltree County Sheriff is investigating the shooting of longtime county resident, Mike Miller.

Mike Miller was a father, a third generation farmer and a one time County Commission Candidate.

"He was kind of a fixture around here he was just Mike" says Ochiltree County Sheriff Terry Bouchard.

34 year old Chuckwa Don Crabtree was living with Miller for the last three weeks as a friend and care taker. Family tells us Mike had bailed Crabtree out of jail recently.

Miller suffered from MS and was in a wheelchair. Sometime after two p.m. Wednesday afternoon, Miller was shot in the neck while sitting in his bedroom.

Crabtree was arrested later in the afternoon for the murder. Crabtree's mother Donna who lives in Gainesville, TX called the police who then called Ochiltree County because she said her son told her he had killed a man and was going to kill himself.

When police arrived at the home 15 mile S.E. of Perryton , Crabtree was running across a open field towards the rural residence.

"When we got there we observed a man running towards the residence we lost sight of him behind the out buildings we didn't know at the time he was armed," says Bouchard.

He surrendered after a brief stand off with authorities. The Sheriff says he was holding a AK-47 weapon and was under the influence of alcohol.

"We are still young in the investigation, I don't think it was premeditated," says Bouchard.

Crabtree remains in the Ochiltree County Jail on a $750,000 bond.

Colossians 1:14 In whom we have redemption, through His blood, the forgiveness of sins

LIPSCOMB COUNTY JAIL

**some graphic language 

That really sucked!  Excuse my language!

I was put in a situation by my bail bondsman.  She wouldn't let me go home again and made me stay there at the house with her nephew who needed my assistance with taking care of him due to a handicap.

So I was cooking his food, cleaning his home, wiping his rear-end and everything else he needed done.  By this time I have about had all of life I wanted and was very depressed so I was taking depression medicine while there.

I would tell him how I missed my family and my girlfriend and how I hoped I didn't end up going back to prison and these kinda things and all he ever said was....

"why don't you just get that shotgun out of the closet and go blow your head off 'cause nobody gives a shit about you anyways."

Then he'd get drunk and call my mom a bitch and stuff like that.  I asked him several times to please stop doing this but he kept it up.

I was finally able to get in touch with my mom and tell her the medicine I was on was having an adverse side effect on me and I needed to see a doctor.  She told the bail bond person this and all she said was "I'll pray for him."

Guess I shoulda took the hint that me and alcohol don't mix.

All I can remember about that day is sittin there talking to him about cooking steaks on the grill and when I woke up later that day...he was dead.

Ezekiel 36:33
This is what the Sovereign LORD says: On the day I cleanse you from all your sins, I will resettle your towns, and the ruins will be rebuilt.

SHOES

I interrupt this storyline to interject a "today" thing....that I hope will bless you.

When Chuckwa and I first began our correspondence, he was in quite a state.

I know you probably think, he deserves what he is getting, and I will say that I don't disagree with that sentiment.  The public has a right to be protected from those who break the law.  He agrees with it too.

But still, imagine if you made a mistake that you would give anything to take back, and for the rest of your life you:

lived in a very small cell with zero privacy or freedom
had no fashion in your life at all
had no gourmet food or wine to enjoy ever again
had no internet, facebook, snapchat, or 182 tv channels

I could go on, but you get the point that life there is no picnic and while it is supposed to be no picnic, I do believe it takes some time to get used to the idea that this way of life is almost

F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

In the years that we have been writing, his demeanor has changed from a struggle to an acceptance and this excerpt is from a recent letter....that just made my day!

You oughta be proud of me for this, I'm not looking for a pat on the back or anything like that, but only to show you what kinda person I am.  There is this guy here that I know an he's black mind you, he recently lost his wife and his mother is not doing so well.  I have been seeing him and talking to him along the way and trying to lift his spirits.  He had on a pair of shoes that were falling apart and I had been noticing that.  The Lord put it on my heart to give him my shoes.  The shoes I had were a little over a year old but I had hardly worn them and today I seen him in the pill line.  I was talking to him and looking at his shoes.  I asked him what size shoes he wore and it just so happens that we had the same size feet.  I took off my shoes and give them to the guy.  He was so surprised that he didn't know what to do.  Those were $50 shoes!!!  I walked back to the section with his old shoes on.  He went to his with his new pair of shoes and a really big smile :-).  We both received a blessing out of the deal.  Just to see his face light up was priceless.

The story he told blessed me so much because for the first time I know 

that in this whole horrific ordeal of where Chuckwa is, how he got there, how long he's facing being there and enduring all the things I believe I could never endure

he was obedient to a nudge from God and by following that nudge..

he found a moment of peace and in that moment he gave a gift

to many...

how many people would wash the feet of a tired old man 

in a room where 

nobody knew 

and nobody saw

HEBREWS 1:2

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: 

for thereby some have entertained angels unawares

OTHER LOVE

To make things perfectly clear....there are no bigger fans in Chuckwa's life than his family...especially his mother, whom he refers often to as 

his angel

She writes him every day

Can you imagine the pain you would feel to know that a child you love is incarcerated?  I'm not sure there would be a more difficult thing to endure.

There are so many statistics that I would like to know...one of which is how many inmates have no one and no support from the outside world.  Imagine the hopelessness you would feel if you were in prison with no one at all?
At least Chuckwa has loved ones who lift him up.

In letters from Chuckwa, I have come to believe his heartaches came from losing love in adult relationships, aka, the women in his life.

We have all suffered through breakups that have lasted weeks/months, and in some cases maybe we have never recovered from.  Love lost can be devastating, true?

There is no doubt that Chuckwa is a loving person with so much good inside his heart.  He loved his grandparents, his parents, his younger brother, his children and the mothers of his children.  So how did it come to be that he would end up in prison?

The first time I viewed his arrest record, I noticed that he was arrested on Christmas Eve...and he was intoxicated.  This said one thing to me and one thing only....

pain/heartache

He was arrested and charged with retaliation and assault on a public servant...

that Christmas Eve 

was the fork in his road

** "As far as you getting off track on the blog goes....my mom said there was something that wasn't right.  When I got out of prison, I was able to stay with my mom and dad until I got on my feet.  I had a new girlfriend and all that stuff.  I left my youngest boy's mother because she got pregnant by someone else.  That's where S******* came from.  Later when we broke up is when I lived in a tent due to the fact that I was messing around with another man's girl, my dad didn't agree with what I was doing and wouldn't let me stay there.  He don't believe in that type of thing.  That's right before I went to stay with Mike. I had just gotten on my feet and out of the tent, when the warrant was issued to revoke my bond.  I had just worked so hard and everything I had worked for was taken away."

Psalm 119: 50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

EMOTICONS

EMOTICON

I have been a person a very long time now

and I have been through my share of

hate

sadness

hurt

forgiveness

joy

moving on

I do believe that anger almost always disguises

hurt

men/boys especially, do not know how to show hurt and sadness 

so this emotion often exhibits itself as

lashing out, mean, aggressive and sometimes physical bad behavior

I read a book when my children were all small by Dr. James Dobson and I will never forget what I considered one of the most poignant lessons for a parent and even a spouse....because after all...most of our lives is spent being an adult rather than a child....

"when children/people are acting out...their emotional tank is empty.  Rather than trying to punish bad behavior, take 10 minutes and gather them up in your lap/arms and just hold them.  Talk to them, stroke them, touch them, love them.  You will be surprised how the bad behavior will melt away."

  Because all they need...all anyone really needs....

is love

Psalm 34:18

¹⁸ The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

THE SUN

ANGEL

There is no bigger fan in a boy/man's life

than his mother

she loves him with a love that cannot be 

explained

duplicated

ended

and is unconditional 

regardless

Chuckwa to Gina:  PS.  I have a picture of me and my mom together in 2006.  I have deal that goes with it called "The Sun is Always Shining", so if you can put it with the picture, that would be good. Thank You.

Diane Crabtree:  Dear Gina, I just want to thank you for being a friend to and helping Chuckwa.  He thinks the world of you and I appreciate you too.  God's blessings be with you and yours. Love, Diane Crabtree

PROVERBS 31:28

PERILOUS AND POWERFUL

DRUGS

I don't do drugs.  But I am no stranger to drugs and I would imagine you aren't either.

Chuckwa: drugs are cunning baffling powerful...they have caused me to ruin my life and they almost took my life more than once.  Due to them, I did take someone's life

 and I am where I am because of them.

I would like to tell you a true story about drugs.  Do you remember the statement made years ago by our SISD Elementary Principal where he said he knew at a very early age those that would have troubles in life?  I wish I would have discussed this further with him to know...

why?  what were the signs he was able to see that foretold?

When I  was a senior in high school, our football team, for the first time ever,

made it all the way to the state football playoffs.  We all knew it, but about half of the guys took drugs and the other half tolerated it....we were winning!  Even my parents were aware of the drug culture in our community because there were certain kids I was not allowed to hang out with.

Many years later, one of these friends of mine sat in my living room and told me 

one of the saddest things I have ever heard....

He said this:

"When I was in the 4th grade, I rode my banana seat bicycle to the First Christian Church where I scored my first drug deal.  Later, I began to drink, and use pot and speed heavily.  I would get high before school, leave for lunch to get high, get out of school before sports to get high, and go home to come down before bed.  By doing this I was able to keep my 'mixture just right' to stay wasted the entire day.

My parents knew it, my friends knew it, my coaches knew it...

and 

no.one.would.help.me."

these incredible words came from the star of the team...one of the good kids...

one of the privileged kids

I cannot shake the image of him on his bike...riding home with a baggie of pot

 in his little corduroy coat pocket

luckily and surprisingly, today,

he is a successful executive for a very successful company

he is healthy, wealthy and a great and talented husband and father

Chuckwa and many others, aren't the lucky ones

Chuckwa:  "I got arrested on Christmas Eve when I was 26 and went off on the cops and was charged for Assault on a Public Servant.  That landed me in prison for 4 years.

When I got out, I moved back home and lived in a tent and picked up cans for money before I finally found work.

Just when I finally got things half way going for myself again I was notified that Lipscomb County was gonna re-indict me on the DWI I was out on bail for.  I had just gotten back on my feet, had my kids in my life, had met another woman, had a good job...and then the rug got jerked out from under me."

***what seems like such a simple thing as a bail bond revocation will prove to be a life changing fork in the road for Chuckwa.... Below is the official arrest record for Chuckwa.

01/22/2000        DWI                        3 yrs       Sentence began    02/05/2002

12/24/2001        Retaliation               5 yrs       Sentence began    02/24/2002

12/24/2001        Retaliation               5 yrs       Sentence began    02/24/2002

12/24/2001        Aslt Pub Serv          7 yrs       Sentence began    02/24/2002

12/24/2001        Aslt Pub Serv          7 yrs       Sentence began    02/24/2002

10/27/2010        Murder                    40 yrs      Sentence began   10/27/2010

Do you believe that alcohol is a drug? Or that only illegal substances can be considered drugs?

As for how it affects the mind, it is best understood as a drug that reduces a person's ability to think rationally and distorts his or her judgment. 

Requiem For A Dream

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33